Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
