the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize