On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
