thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
whose parrot is this?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
