..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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