i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
