I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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