got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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