My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
