And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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