Rock
Scissors
Fuck
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
