well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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