Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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