Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
