i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
