I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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