Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm always down for nudity.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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