So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
