the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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