omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Success! We fucked roommates!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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