Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
