If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
