New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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