Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
