I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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