Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
