yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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