one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
