Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize