my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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