she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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