dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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