I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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