I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
