Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
