Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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