you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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