He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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