I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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