After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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