how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
