Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
