Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
