worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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