i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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