Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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