I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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