I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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