i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
