Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
