its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize