I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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