It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
