GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
