I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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