Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
