i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I feel like abortions should bother me more
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize