also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
