The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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