I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
