DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
