ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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