Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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