I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
