Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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