You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
