After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
