hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
