I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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