"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
