hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
