She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
