that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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