I wish my penis had an off switch
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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