I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
