best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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