my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
