his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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