well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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